I love laughing. In fact, if we haven't laughed together, chances are we need to work on our relationship. No pressure; we got this.
Recently, I was in a multi-day meeting that felt unusually draining. It was odd because I was intellectually engaged, deeply curious, actively listening, personally reflecting, and bouncing off ideas, all good things. Yet, I walked out just drained. I then paused to reflect on another meeting. It was similar in many ways, from length of time, format, brain energy usage, content, and challenges, but for that one, I walked out energized. So, next time, I took some notes while paying full-ish attention to why I was there in the first place, of course.
Turns out the difference was laughter.
Meeting One
In nine hours of total meeting time over three days, my colleagues and I smiled only 11 times and laughed only twice. Twice.
Meeting Two
In nine hours of total meeting time over three days, we laughed 28 times that I counted. And after noting 41 occurrences, I simply lost count of how many times we genuinely smiled.
Another time was after working with a group of Survivors, those who firsthand experienced the dark history of the Indian Residential School system in Canada. I was debriefing with a remarkable team of Anishinaabe mental health supporters who had been patiently walking alongside us and the Survivors as we investigated unmarked burials, conducted archival research, built healing and memorialization plans, and much more. It had been a while since we had all taken a step back to reflect, and I asked them how they thought things were going.
“You have some people laughing together who wouldn’t be in the same room together, so: excellent.”
Chuckling together. Dancing together.
As a peacebuilder, I'm all over this. Could laughter play a role in our collective peacebuilding efforts?
Turns out, yes, it can. Origins of human laughter can be traced back to between 10 and 16 million years ago. It has been woven in our collective biochemical and psychosocial history for ages.
So, what can it do specifically for peacebuilding? Here’s what I found:
- 1
Strengthens Cohesion: People are 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others than alone. People who laugh together like each other more. In fact, sharing it suggests we may have some similarities in our worldview. Isn’t that amazing?
- 2
Humanizes the ‘Other’: Laughter can humanize an ‘other.’ It can remind people of their shared humanity and help individuals see each other beyond just adversaries, fostering empathy and understanding. I see this in high-stakes negotiations all the time; It reminds us we are all human.
- 3
Enhances Communication: It can often be hard in conflict to see the other party as having valid feelings. Laughter can provide an opportunity for individuals to connect on a personal level. While accepting the entire set of feelings of the ‘other’ may be a stretch, it can help people appreciate some validity in those feelings.
- 4
Releases Endorphins: Did you know that laughter triggers the release of endorphins, Our natural feel-good chemicals? This can create a positive emotional state and improve the overall mood of those involved in a conflict. It enhances the potential for us, allowing us to keep our rational brain engaged so we can think constructively about what is actually being talked about, as opposed to staying in a sustained fight, flight, or freeze state.
- 5
Builds Rapport: Sharing humour can help build rapport between conflicting parties. It creates a shared experience that forms a bond, even if temporary, and can lay the foundation for a more cooperative and collaborative relationship moving forward.
- 6
Shifts Perspective: Humor has the power to shift perspectives; It can help individuals see a situation from a different angle and encourage more flexible and creative approaches to problem-solving. Martha Beck voices that using laughter is a very creative process. It helps reframe a serious situation into a more manageable one. This shift in perspective can be crucial for finding common ground and reaching resolutions.
- 7
Defuses Hostility: It can change the emotional tone of a conversation almost instantly. Instead of escalating tension, humour can redirect the focus and energy away from anger and hostility, making it easier to address the underlying issues in a more constructive manner. Laughter can pace us, regulate us, facilitate a few hearty breaths, and activate our rational brain when in conflict.
However, it's important to note that laughter in conflict should be approached with sensitivity and appropriateness. Not all situations are suitable for humour, and it's essential to be mindful of cultural and individual differences. What might be funny to one may be offensive to another. So, get to know each other a bit before pulling out the jokes.
Ultimately, laughing can play an important role in helping us see each other as humans by building tolerance, possibly encouraging us to be accepting of each other, and maybe, just maybe, even help us like each other.
So, let's laugh together.