I love laughing. In fact, if we haven't laughed together, chances are we need to work on our relationship. No pressure. We got this.
Recently, I was in multi-day meeting that felt unusually draining. It was odd because I was intellectually engaged, curious, listening, reflecting, bouncing off ideas – all good things. Yet I walked out just drained. I then reflected on another meeting – similar length of time, similar format, needing just as much brain energy, similar content, similar challenges, but I walked out energized. So, next time, I took some notes (while paying full-ish attention to why I was there in the first place of course).
Turns out the difference was laughter.
Meeting 1
In 9 hours of total meeting time over three days, me and my colleagues smiled only 11 times, and laughed twice. Twice.
Meeting 2
In 9 hours of total meeting time over three days, we laughed 28 times that I counted. And after noting 41 occurrences, I simply lost count at how many times we smiled.
Another time after working with a group of Survivors of the dark legacy of the Indian Residential School in Canada, I was debriefing with a remarkable team of Anishinaabe mental health supporters who had been patiently walking alongside us and the Survivors as we investigated unmarked burials, conducted archival research, built healing and memorialization plans, and much more. It had been a while since we had all taken a step back to reflect and I asked them how they thought things were going. ‘You have some people laughing together who wouldn’t be in the same room together so excellent’.
Laughing together. Dancing together.
As a peacebuilder, I'm all over this. Could laughter play a role in our collective peacebuilding efforts?
Turns out yes it can. Origins of human laughter can be traced back to between 10 and 16 million years ago. It has been in our collective biochemical and psychosocial history.
For what laughter can do specifically for peacebuilding, here is what I found:
- 1
Strength Cohesion: People are 30 times more likely to laugh in the presence of others than alone. People who laugh together like each other more. In fact, shared laughter suggests we may have some similarities in our worldview. Amazing.
- 2
Humanize the ‘Other’: Laughter can humanize and ‘unother’. Laughter can remind people of their shared humanity, and help individuals see each other beyond just adversaries, fostering empathy and understanding. I see this in high stakes negotiations all the time. Laughter reminds us we are human.
- 3
Enhance Communication: It can often be hard in conflict to see the other party as having valid feelings. Laughter can provide an opportunity for individuals to connect on a personal level, and while the entire set of feelings of the ‘other’ may be a stretch, it can help people appreciate some validity for some feelings.
- 4
Release Endorphins: Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, our natural feel-good chemicals. This can create a positive emotional state and improve the overall mood of those involved in a conflict, enhancing the potential for us to keep our rational brain engaged so we can think through constructively what is being talked about as opposed to staying in a sustained flight, freeze, or fight state.
- 5
Build Rapport: Sharing a laugh can help build rapport between conflicting parties. It creates a shared experience that forms a bond, even if temporary, and can lay the foundation for a more cooperative and collaborative relationship moving forward.
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Shift Perspective: Humor and laughter has the power to shift perspectives. It can help individuals see a situation from a different angle and encourage a more flexible and creative approach to problem-solving. Using laughter, Martha Beck offers a very creative process to reframe a serious situation to a more manageable one. This shift in perspective can be crucial for finding common ground and reaching resolutions.
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Defusing Hostility: Laughter can defuse hostility by changing the emotional tone of a conversation. Instead of escalating tension, humor can redirect the focus and energy away from anger and hostility, making it easier to address the underlying issues in a more constructive manner. Laughter can pace us, facilitate a few hearty breaths, regulate us, activate that rational brain when in conflict.
However, it's important to note that laughter in conflict should be approached with sensitivity and appropriateness. Not all situations are suitable for humor, and it's essential to be mindful of cultural and individual differences. What might be funny to one may be offensive to another. So, get to know each other a bit before pulling out the jokes.
Ultimately, laughter can play an important role in helping see each other as humans, building tolerance, possibly acceptance of each other, and maybe, just maybe, even liking each other.
So, let's laugh together.