The Work of Belonging: How to Cultivate Meaningful Connection in Adulthood

A sense of collective belonging is an essential component in human lives that we often overlook. Our sense of belonging shapes how we experience our lives and how we perceive the people and events around us. Collective belonging is defined as a shared feeling of unity, identity, and oneness among a group of people with a common purpose. Research suggests that a sense of belonging is deeply tied to our mental, physical, and social outcomes. When it is absent, individuals face a greater risk of isolation, stress, and disengagement from community life. 

A sense of belonging is a fundamental human need that shapes emotional well-being, physical health, and overall quality of life. Psychological research shows that when belonging is absent, individuals are more vulnerable to loneliness, stress, and negative health outcomes. At the same time, a strong sense of belonging can buffer against anxiety and depression, particularly during times of transition. 

Beyond individual outcomes, belonging also benefits communities. A strong sense of belonging to a group or community supports shared identity, confidence, collective problem-solving, and participation in meaningful activities. In this way, belonging strengthens social cohesion and contributes to the long-term resilience and vitality of both individuals and communities. 

Early in life, belonging often feels natural and automatic, as if it is a given that you belong toa certain group. Through schools, classrooms, sports teams, religious communities, neighbourhood groups, and extracurricular activities, children are surrounded by established social structures and groups that provide clear roles, routines, and shared goals. Participation is expected rather than negotiated; at times, it might even feel mandatory. Relationships are easily and naturally formed through regular proximity and repetition. As a result, belonging is often taken for granted during childhood and adolescence. It is not something that must be consciously sought out; it simply is.  

As people move into adulthood, these structures gradually fade away. Without the same systems that categorize you into classes and groups, a sense of collective belonging can no longer be maintained through daily routines alone. Adulthood introduces work obligations, caregiving responsibilities, and shifting social roles. For some, this period also involves relocation and starting over in new communities with few connections exist. In these contexts, to belong requires conscious effort instead of simply expecting it to form naturally.  

Relationships must be actively maintained, communities must be chosen, and shared experiences must be created rather than expected. This shift can make belonging feel more fragile or like a burden to sustain, particularly when individuals are already under pressure from other facets of life.  

Cultivating a sense of belonging in adulthood involves attention to several interconnected factors. At an individual level, this requires developing and practicing relational skills such as communication, empathy, reliability, and the ability to repair relationships after conflict. Belonging can rarely be sustained without effort, and consistent presence, showing up especially when it feels inconvenient, plays a critical role. 

Belonging is also shaped by the availability of opportunities for connection. Individuals cannot experience belonging in the absence of spaces or contexts that invite participation. Communities, workplaces, and institutions play an important role in creating and fostering environments where people feel welcomed, included, and valued. Structural conditions that enable regular interaction, shared activities, and meaningful engagement are essential for belonging to emerge.

Motivation also matters greatly. People are more likely to seek and sustain belonging when they feel their presence has an impact on the community and when connection is mutual rather than conditional. At the same time, perceptions of belonging are shaped by prior experiences; it is important to keep in mind that different people have lived through different past experiences of exclusion or rejection, which can shape how individuals perceive belonging and sometimes lead them to withdraw even when opportunities exist. For this reason, cultivating belonging also involves shaping shared norms and expectations that emphasize inclusion, respect, and care. 

Ultimately, we must acknowledge that belonging does not emerge passively and requires conscious effort to sustain. As social structures shift and life becomes more complex, belonging increasingly depends on deliberate action, mutual responsibility, and sustained engagement. Understanding belonging as an active process rather than a fixed state highlights the shared role individuals and communities play in creating environments where connection can be maintained over time.